The Real Social Network

One of my favorite movie quotes is from a 1980s movie starring John Cusack (I know, narrow it down please) called Say Anything. In one scene, he inquires of his sister, who is actually played by his sister Joan, "How hard is it to just be in a good mood?"

It seems his sister (in the movie) has been dumped and left to raise a child, leaving her bitter and perpetually grumpy. This quote has become my mantra from time to time. When the bad news starts snowballing from the time I arise and my fuse is ignited, I ask myself, "How hard is it to just be in a good mood?" If you read one of my earlier blogs, you will know that I have found it increasingly difficult as I've gotten older. My fuse gets ignited by the smallest of sparks sometimes. I have even caught myself creating scenarios in my head in anticipation of something bad that might happen, based on an incorrect bill I have received or a discussion I have to have with someone about something not good. That's sad. I'm getting worked up pre factum.

This leads me to an observation that has sparked my interest in recent years. I am in a good mood most of the time, and I am a gregarious person. I am not afraid at all to speak in public or to approach strangers. Based on empiricism alone, it appears that most people like me when they first meet me. Yet, I almost never speak to a stranger if I don't have to. I realized one day that I presume that I am not going to like anyone whom I have not met. That's not based on any prejudice; I presume that with everyone. I think I run through the possibilities that that person is my political opposite, really stupid, won't stop talking, a religious zealot, spits when talking, an insurance salesman or an escaped convict. The odds of my meeting a kindred spirit are, in my mind, astronomical.

What's bizarre is that when I do engage in conversation with a stranger, it is more often pleasant than not. We usually find something in common and converse on that topic until our natural parting. I remember being embarrassed by my dearly-departed mother on more than one occasion while waiting in line at a grocery store or seated at a restaurant, because she talked to everyone. I remember thinking that the waitress doesn't care if your son just got tenured or you have trouble finding a good coffee maker. Sometimes they would virtually roll their eyes at my mom, but on other occasions they would engage. And more often than not, people liked my mom upon first impression.

My question is, is it common to assume the worst about strangers, or is this just a quirk in my personality? I would love to know what others think. I almost never speak first while waiting in line with strangers at the bank or the grocery store. Part of that is my disdain for small talk. If the weather is hot, I don't need to be reminded of it by every person I encounter that day. I can say without fear of contradiction that I have never in my life uttered the phrases "hot enough for ya?" or "working hard or hardly workin'?". I generally respond with a non sequitur that invariably goes over the inquisitor's head just to deter such inane banter.

My solution to the above is that I will avoid small talk at all costs, but if I believe I have something truly profound or better yet funny to say, I will engage. My belief is that despite Facebook, email, Twitter, Google Plus and any other electronic method we can devise to tell our 634 friends and followers that we are "going to the bathroom," the true social networking still takes place in the grocery store, at the bank, or in the waiting room. Therefore, next time you are in one of the latter three locations, take the time to turn to the person next to you and inquire, "Is it hot enough to be hardly workin'?"