Welcome to Me

As I begin my three-step, cookie-cutter set up of my blog, it occurs to me that this is among the most egomaniacal of adventures. What on Earth would possess me to entertain the notion that anyone on Earth would be remotely interested in my thoughts for the day? And the answer came to me like a bolt of lightning or the proverbial light bulb balloon above your head. It's my incredible ego! Now that that's cleared up, on to substance.

Let's start with the title--of my blog, not this entry. I apologize profusely if you looked up the word "contemploration" and found no entries. Mea culpa. It is a portmanteau (love that word) I created to inject a unique quality into my writing. The two sides of the suitcase (if you looked up portmanteau) are contemplative exploration. To explore without forethought is for the brave hearts of pioneers and teenaged boys. I do nothing without overanalyzing. It's my nature; it's my right; it's my bane.

OK, today's thoughts. For those who don't know me, I will provide a little backdrop. More than five years ago, I lost my wife of 18 years to a heart attack and my brother of 45 years to cancer--three months apart. Yes, "yikes" is the appropriate response. Since then, I have gone through the process of rehabilitating and reinventing myself. It is a work in progress. But through this tragedy, I have learned many lessons. I am a strong if not stubborn self-healer. As the old joke goes, when asked where the self-help books were located, the clerk replied, "If I told you, what would be the point?"

Maybe it's no Who Moved My Cheese?, but here are today's suggestions for making yourself better.

1. Get smarter. Learn something new everyday, and not serendipitously by sharing gossip at the water cooler or watching another Law and Order rerun (you're also acquiring misinformation through both efforts), but intentionally and purposefully. You don't have to be a bookworm or a nerd to do this. It doesn't even require much time. I recently found a website that was an aid for teaching middle school geography. It contained quizzes, and in about three or four weeks, I learned all the capitals of Europe, Asia, Africa, the Middle East, South America and the provinces of Canada. Go ahead; test me. I was surprised at how many I knew, but it took about a half hour a day and it was fun. Now this may be of no interest to you. That's my point. Find something that is. You'll feel smarter, and you didn't have to study organic chemistry to do it.

I also memorized the presidents in order. Maybe you'll like that one. You can find any of a number of LEGITMATE sites on the Internet to soak up. It is rote memorization. We are all capable of it. It doesn't require a Mensa IQ. Granted, it is just facts, but I think you'll find it encourages contemploration on your part. You may, as I did, begin exploring philosophy and astronomy as you learn the names of the great thinkers, or the moons and constellations in our galaxy. Imagine being able to converse with authority about the Big Bang Theory when the ubiquitous debates arise over evolutionism vs. creationism. You can do more than reply, "you're a stupid head."

I will admonish you that there is a downside to becoming smarter. You may become angrier. As you listen to others' uninformed opinions, this may disturb you. What a great segue to my second point today.

2. Release the anger. As I have grown older and many of my loved ones have died, I find my knee-jerk anger kicks in (pun intended) much more easily. I am watching episodes about the brain on Nova right now (PBS) and learning more about our synapses and grey matter, I may find an answer for this anger-with-age syndrome. I am 56, and I don't recall getting as angry about simple things in my twenties and thirties. If you have had the same result, please comment.

My sternest admonishment is not to spring into action based on these twinges of emotion. This includes: don't yell at the customer service person who is not responsible for the screw up; don't post something on Facebook that you will regret later; don't take it out on your kids, your spouse, or your friends, and please, please, curb the road rage. Even laying on the horn or the hackneyed digital gesture could land you in a world of hurt. We all make mistakes driving. Yes, ALL. Believe it or not, empirically I have come to the conclusion that the drivers who scream, gesture and honk the most are indeed some of the worst drivers. They are driving too fast and tailgating in an effort to get nowhere and inevitably will be pissed off when you "cut in front of them" (slows them down) or hit the brakes. Think hard about this. Is this you? Sorry, I digressed.

How do you release the anger? For me, yelling at myself seems to work. No one catches schrapnel in the process and I feel much better. I will sometimes sit in my car and reprimand myself for something stupid I did earlier that day. I can take the yelling and it often corrects the behavior. Getting physical also helps. If you have a partner handy, 'nuff said. If not, go for a run, ride, walk or better yet, punch something long and hard. I do know that anger is the result of bad chemicals released in your brain, and physical activities may release bursts of seratonin, the happy chemical in your brain. Punch something soft. Wood and concrete are not good choices. Pillows and couches are.

Join me here for what I hope is a daily entry, and help me to learn with your own comments. This is part of my daily therapy, largely because I don't have $150 an hour to give to a professional (psychiatrist, not streetwalker). Let's suck the marrow out of life together.